“Some women don’t play by the rules. Many times, though, we realize this only in hindsight.
We assume her warm overtures are genuine, so we extend our friendship and trust. However, instead, she betrays us, often at great personal and professional cost. We may wonder what happened and why we didn’t see it coming.
But we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves. Some women haven’t left behind the childish games they learned on the playground in elementary school.
Little has changed as they’ve gotten older, except they’ve become much better at bullying others, under the radar. They’ve become masters at creating chaos without tipping anyone off, except the unfortunate victim who’s still pinching herself to see if this really happened, and wondering if anyone else would believe what she’s just experienced.
First example in a meeting: “I hear what you are saying, but we’re not going to do that.”
Second example is a father to his child trying to pursuade him to choose an alternative: “What if we put ice cream on top of the cheeseburger?”
The first ends on a negative and can have the effect of shutting down the discussion for further ideas, arguably giving the speaker power over the discussion, but not the problem being solved. The second ends on a positive without dismissing the child’s idea entirely, leaving the child with the understanding that discussion is important as it inspires ideas and, clearly, creative and collaborative problem solving, thus empowering the child to continue to seek knowledge, the truest form of power. Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and you’ll feed him for a lifetime.
Check out the original post by Nicholas Thompson (The New Yorker) and the comment string:
Highlight: [On advice to try online dating] As if most thirtysomethings haven’t thought of this already. As if they haven’t already been bombarded by potential suitors with unsolicited dick pics or have experienced confusing Tinder profile photos featuring newborn babies in a hospital (Is this guy married?). Many people assume online dating expedites the situation, but it sometimes only makes being single feel worse.
Highlight: The study focused on messages these women got from their social environments. A lot of the messages were pretty pejorative and intrusive, and the major finding was that at this time in their life – ages 28 to 34 – there was a lot of focus on their single status. It underscored their visibility and invisibility. The invisibility is their actual life experience of not being married by a certain age; some people would just assume they had kids because they were 31. Their younger siblings were starting to marry and have kids, and this felt awkward and not natural.
Highlight: These early career flameouts are reflected through the corporate ladder. Today, 53% of corporate entry-level jobs are held by women, a percentage that drops to 37% for mid-management roles and 26% for vice presidents and senior managers, according to McKinsey research. Men are twice as likely as women to advance at each career transition stage. One rationale is that men are more likely than women to do things that help their personal wellbeing at work, thus negating burnout, according to the Captivate Network. Men are 25% more likely to take breaks throughout the day for personal activities, 7% more likely to take a walk, 5% more likely to go out to lunch, and 35% more likely to take breaks “just to relax.”
I recently started watching the new TV series Outlander, based on the popular books by Diana Gabaldon. I have never read the books. The series sounded like something I might enjoy, about a woman who time-travels to 18th Century Scotland.
After watching two episodes, I’m already done with it.
I see people raving about the show on Twitter and other social media. Like Charlie Brown, I don’t know how to argue with success. Something is resonating with many viewers, and I don’t mind that they are enjoying it.
But to me it’s a major disappointment. It made me think of how the term “strong female character” is so often misconstrued.
Joan of Arc was a visionary leader. Her example of commitment to doing what she knew to be right (and the suffering that entailed) has become a corollary for courageous leadership. I would like to propose a somewhat differing view of the contemporary leader. Being brave, committed, and visionary are all good virtues – maybe even essential – but they are not enough.
The world around us – and our work as educators – is too complex and multi-faceted to approach unilaterally. All people have ideas about what they would like to see in the world; each of us, in our own right, is a visionary. Educational leadership needs to do better than that; it needs to be inclusionary by design.
#LeadershipDay14 asks us to share our thoughts on effective digital leadership – the digital realm is, after all, just as important a landscape in 21st Century education as a classroom…